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I Don’t Miss You

inspirational quotes on a planner

I don’t miss having worked so hard only to have your presence tear everything apart. Your craziness, neediness, jealousy. You are many of the reasons I don’t venture there again because I can’t do crazy.

I don’t miss that when I said I worked a lot of hours, you liked that about me but it was the one thing of many things you tried to change. Then my lifestyle changed because of loss of income. I had changed my hours to accommodate your neediness. You called yourself a man but you celebrated this new status that made you feel more in control as our economic position changed.

Giving up what I already had, wasn’t worth it because you weren’t worth it. It was even easier to give up you. You had no value and weren’t a true man.

I don’t miss you

I don’t miss that in the very beginning when you said you were needy – you were needy. Beyond needy. Jealous and full of drama. Every turn we took there was some type of melt down that I reacted to. If I could of changed something it would have been my reaction to things. I just should of done the dumping….early on and stuck with it, no take backs. When a person says they are needy. They are needy and have had issues with this. It is nothing new to them and a hint of what is to come.

I don’t miss you

My memories are filled of regret and a deep sadness for me stooping so low to be with you when I already had everything I needed. I felt at the time that a woman had to be in a relationship for protection, self-worth, and for whatever else society teaches us. Especially working THERE. A place where Satan resided and his minions parroted each other for existence. That is not living. That is dying.

I don’t miss you

When I think of you I remember how you stalked me and I was impressed. After all, doesn’t that show you liked me? I felt obligated to say yes to someone who showed they liked me. I should have had enough like for myself. Because in the end, you stole my time. I was impressed by the small gift you left on my door, the boat, the trucks, the business, the job title, the social networking followers, the potential, the degree, the friends, the family. It was all a lie and had some sordid twist to it.

I don’t miss you

I don’t miss the havoc you tried to create in my life by spreading rumors and vicious gossip in order to make yourself feel better and to further alienate me from other people and make me feel like you were the best I could ever do. Like something was wrong with me. You would turn it around and it would be on me.

I don’t miss you

I love myself now and when I think about you, if I do – it is with a shake of my head. When you cried on my couch saying, “You left me alone downstairs,” as I spent time upstairs with my daughter. When you peeled out of my driveway a few times. The DUI’S. When you cried saying this was the last time, as I went to work and refused to participate in your drama and told you to just go already.

When you told me I was the oldest woman you ever dated (and you were the fattest man I ever dated (I thought to myself), when you said you never watch television (yet always did), or when you secretly smoked cigarettes or drank too much alcohol or took pills on the side. Your cheapness, your excess, your fakeness, your competitiveness, your independence that broke mine down, your hurry to give me a ring of ownership, your lack of commitment, your eating issues, your sharp digs. All the lies and lies for no reason except to lie.

I don’t miss you

I don’t miss being your cheerleader and pumping you up as you belittle me and put me down. The way you stood behind me as I rolled my motorcycle out of your driveway as if I needed to have that direction – ultimately you crashed your bike so who needed the direction? I don’t miss listening to your ways of doing things when I already knew how to do things yet you telling me was so important to your self-worth and importance. The constant acknowledging of your brightness or strength or beauty or cleverness or hard work or….I don’t miss the hard work it took that in the end left me feeling alone and empty. And exhausted.

I don’t miss you

Rummaging through my refrigerator, or sticking your grubby hands on my plate to grab something, or even splitting the cost because I am independent, or paying for yours because you were poor, or paying for yours so nothing is owed, or watching you try to pay for mine as a way to get something back in return. I don’t miss the drama of it. Always. Like clockwork. The feminism movement for equality has given us back man pussies. We need them even less.

Oh, the exhaustion of it all!

I don’t miss you

I don’t miss dumbing down so you could smart up. The half-assed ways you did things from backwards windows to uneven decks to a falling down carport to unsightly projects. Being the designated toilet cleaner because it would never get done. I don’t miss giving up my dreams because I have died inside. There is oh so much I do not miss.

I don’t miss you

Because if I missed you, I would announce that I wasn’t myself – I changed for you – I didn’t like myself enough. So the person you were with, wasn’t me. The person who gave up on life. Being scared of being the best person I could be. Knowing being alone was something different and looked at with unkindness. I was way beyond anything you would ever deserve. You brought down the person you were with in order to try to keep them.

That didn’t work out very well.

Note: If you saw yourself here, you probably did. There is a piece of you here. But you would deny it or happily think it was all of you. It wasn’t. You weren’t that special. All the pieces together fit in to one gross man puzzle. Everything ended up being the same. I don’t miss the boredom of being trapped and held back and secretly knowing that if there was the right person for me, I would miss it. Stuck with you. Someone horribly wrong.

I don’t miss you

Love comes easily now. A lover of life and living. A woman can be everything on her own. She can even have her own kids on her own through many different means. Things are different now. Times are different. A woman doesn’t need the type of man you are and will always be. Because deep down, you will never change. You are just waiting to start the cycle all over again. And continue to be that stealer of time.

Dedicated to loving myself. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is everything that is right.

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